


scrids drabbles

by scarecrowvv



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, more tags will be added as more drabbles appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16387844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarecrowvv/pseuds/scarecrowvv
Summary: scriddler drabble collection, because i cant get enough of these emotionally constipated idiots.





	1. in which edward saves craw's life

**Author's Note:**

> in which edward realizes, very quickly, that jonathan has a penchant for babying his birds.

Edward comes in,  _ soaking  _ wet and holding Craw in his arms as he calls out for Jonathan:  _ “Jon _ , you better get your ass over here and give me a fucking medal, because I just saved your  _ damned _ birds life.”

Jonathan immediately walks into the run, eyes widening as he looks at Craw desperately trying to clean his dripping feathers.

“Wh-what happened?” Jonathan asks, disappearing for a moment into the hallway; Edward hears a door opening, and knows that Jon is finding a towel, to his utmost relief.

“Your  _ oh so smart and cunning _ crow fell into the pool, and I had to jump in to save him,” Edward says exasperatedly, shivering through his layers of wet clothes. “I don’t even know  _ how _ he got in there, but now I’m soaked to the bone.”

“Oh, you poor, poor thing, darling,” Edward can’t help but smile as he hears Jonathan coo; even now, after all these years, a blush still rises on his cheeks at the cadence. “You poor, soaking thing.”

Jonathan appears finally with a towel in hand, walking quickly over to where Edward stands with Craw - who is definitely more dry than Edward at this point - in his hands. Edward almost sighs at the thought of being cuddled in a towel; he is  _ freezing. _

“Well,” Edward can’t help but say, trying to sound nonchalant. “I couldn’t help but rush in to help him, I know how much he means-”

Jonathan suddenly takes the towel and wraps it around Craw; he picks up the crow in his arms, very gently beginning to wipe the damp spots in his feathers.

Edward stands there, hands still cupped around thin air, and watches with an open mouth as Jonathan coos and awws over his bird.

Jonathan notices his stare and pauses, looking at Edward. “What?”

Edward blinks. “Are you  _ fucking _ kidding me.”

Jonathan looks at Craw, to Edward, and then back again; he looks extremely confused for a moment, before realization dawns on him.

“Oh,” he says, sounding uncomfortable. “Um. Here, darlin’, let me, uh,” Jonathan slowly sets Craw down on the counter, peeling the towel off of him and starting towards Edward, whose eye is twitching.

“I don’t want that damp towel,” Edward huffs, stiff as a board. “I can’t  _ believe _ you, Jonathan Crane.”

Jonathan still puts it around his shoulders, slowly patting Edward’s shoulder awkwardly. “Uh. There, there, Edward. Thank you for saving my bird.”

Edward still tugs the towel over his body, even though he is  _ absolutely  _ fuming over having Craw’s leftovers. “I’m so angry at you right now. I am so angry.”


	2. "a night out" my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which edward realizes that jons definition of "a night out" is very different from his

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize that i love the concept of their nothing fights so much tbh...how does edward put up w this man

It was no secret to anyone at all that Edward enjoys being pampered, cherished, adored; he likes grand gestures, romantic dinners, love notes, things of that nature. Cheesy cliches that let him know that someone cares, someone adores him in the way he knows he should be love.

Which, of course, is one of the arguments that Edward and Jonathan have the most - while they get along fine and do care for one another (yes, Jonathan, you really  _ do _ ), their perception of  _ what is enough _ couldn’t be more different.

Edward gets weak in the knees at the prospect of rose petals and a candlelight dinner; Jonathan swoons (as much as the man is capable) at peace and quiet.

And this is why Edward practically leaps for joy when Jonathan peeks into the dining room one night, clears his throat, and says: “You want to get something to eat?”

For more than one reason it makes Edward happy - first and foremost,  _ Jonathan Crane going out to eat?  _ Call TMZ. And he can’t help but get excited, ordering Jonathan to stay right there and not rush him as he runs to get ready as quick as he possibly can (which, 45 minutes is a good time for him, even if he does rush on his hair a bit.)

Edward is nearly buzzing with glee as he sits in the passenger seat, not even commenting on how far back the chairs in Jon’s truck are, or his truck in general (which, is another hot topic of conflict for them);  _ finally _ , after  _ months _ , another trip out to eat? Edward can barely fathom it.

“I just can’t believe we’re doing this again,” Edward babbles, clasping his gloved hands together. “ _ Finally _ , a night out again - and I will refrain from commenting on your attire, Jonathan; I’m sure there’s a blazer or something I left in the backseat of your truck at one point or another. Hopefully a pair of slacks…” He can’t help it; his eyes wander to where Jonathan is dressed clad in an open flannel, plain t-shirt, and sweatpants. “You wear those sweatpants far too much for your own good.”

Jonathan just raises a brow at him, refusing to comment; he looks almost….puzzled, as Edward gazes at him, and Edward is about to ask  _ what _ could be so confusing about proper dress attire, when suddenly, Jonathan begins to pull up to-

Edward can’t help it; he gasps. He has to steady his breath, slowly turning to glare at Jonathan as he says: “Are you pulling up to McDonalds right now?”

Jonathan looks at him. “Yes?”

“I thought-” Edward blinks. “I mean- I wasted an outfit. On  _ McDonalds. _ ”

“I told you I wanted to get something to eat.”

“You didn’t say you wanted to go to  _ McDonalds.” _

“I like their fries.”

“I thought we were going out again!” Edward bemoans, dramatically resting his forehead on the dashboard as Jonathan slowly pulls his truck forward.

“We are out.”

“That is not what I meant, Jonathan, and you know that, you smartass,” Edward says, and immediately feels disappointed  _ again _ when Jonathan starts towards the drive thru. “And we’re going through the drive thru, too!”

Jonathan just shrugs his shoulders, rubbing his brow. “I don’t know what you want from me, Edward.”

“I wanted a nice dinner. You know, like we used to!”

“You got angry when I took you to Red Lobster.”

“Because it was  _ Red Lobster _ .”

“You keep enunciating the names of these restaurants like I’m supposed to know what it means.”

“Just get me my usual,” Edward says, flopping back into the passenger seat and looking out the window. “And make it a large chocolate shake, this time. And you can’t share my fries.”


	3. happy birthday jon!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its national jonathan crane birthday day [11/16] and im gonna try to post something better for the man the myth the legend but for now...

Jonathan frowns as Edward passes over a small bundle of paper towels to him, hissing at him to be careful and quickly looking over his shoulder; probably to assess if any guards are near by.

"What is this," Jonathan drawls, eyes narrowed down at his hands.

Edward winks, pushing it even further into Jonathan's grasp as he says: "I stole you something. It  _was_ a bit of a journey and not  _exactly_ on my way, but - well, you should like it. I risked a lot to grab it."

Jonathan raises a brow. "If this is one of those impossible sudoku puzzles you make in your spare time-"

"Not  _this_ time, no," Edward says hurriedly, once again glancing over his shoulder. Jonathan is almost puzzled when he sees something almost soft in Edward's eyes, the other man gesturing down to the paper towels. "Open it, and be careful. You'll have to get rid of the evidence rather quickly, I'm afraid; some doctors are going to come snooping around soon."

Jonathan slowly begins to unfurl the paper towels, almost cautiously. After peeling back one of them, he finds that in his hands is a cupcake; it appears to be vanilla with chocolate frosting, and he looks back at Edward, confused.

"What?" he asks, trying to rack his bran for possible answers - was Edward trying to get on his good side? Did he need something from him? Did-

Edward rolls his eyes, but it's surprisingly, shockingly, not in a condescending manner. Jonathan would question it if it weren't for Edward saying: "Happy birthday, Jonathan." 

Jonathan blinks, and realization slowly dawns on him -  _wow_ , it really is his birthday. He's never been able to celebrate it properly before; Granny never believed in celebrating  _the day he crawled out of his mother_ , as she referred to it.

Still, Edward seems proud of himself, and gestures once again to the cupcake.

"Like I said, I had to steal that for you, and a thank you would be very appreciated, but," He shrugs. "Happy birthday, Jon."


	4. double-jointed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jon's double jointed. ed hates it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH THIS IS SHORT but take this k thanks [also ive always hc'd jon w/ marfan syndrome & hes very double jointed. he will show you it & its disgusting.]

"Edward, it's not that gross," Jonathan says, pushing his hand closer to his face. "It's normal for some people."

"Get that hand  _the fuck_ away from me," Edward scrambles on the other side of the couch. "Go away, Jon!"

"Just watch it," Jonathan completely ignores him, showing his hand again and starting to grab his thumb."

" _Stop!_ " Edward hisses, turning away and shutting his eyes. "You're so gross!"

Jonathan bends his thumb back over his wrist, displaying one of his very rare, but very real, shit-eating grins. Edward wouldn't think twice of it if it wasn't him on the receiving end of it.

"Y'wanna see me pop my shoulders again?"

 _"No!_ "

"How about a thumbs up?" And then he does his  _disgusting_ thumb bending routine, which makes Edward gag.

"I hate that," he says, shaking his head. "You know I hate it."

"That's why it's so much fun."


	5. oopsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes sex playlists are fun

"I did take your advice, though," Jon murmurs; Edward perks up, blinking up at his boyfriend curiously.

" _Hmm?_ "

"Well," Jonathan doesn't get blushy or  _flushed_ , par say, but he does seem a little more awkward than usual about this sort of thing as he pauses. "You know. The whole- music thing."

Edward could purr; he beams at him. " _Aw,_ " he coos, petting Jonathan's cheek affectionately. "You're so cute - you made a  _sex playlist_."

Jonathan probably  _is_ actually flushing, but it's hard to tell in the candlelight; he looks away, grumbling for a moment. "No, I didn't," he mumbles, fiddling with something on the bedside playlist. "I just took your advice for once is all."

"I'm glad to hear it, love," Edward sighs, nuzzling up at Jonathan's neck; he can't help but be a  _little_ excited to hear what Jonathan has in store, despite their music taste being quite different from one another.  _It'll probably be Fleetwood Mac_ , Edward thinks, but he's not even bothered really - it's adorable, hearing the effort Jonathan is making into making their anniversary night romantic. He wouldn't mind being fucked to Songbird or Dreams, not at all.

It takes a moment, but music starts up from the player on their bedside player:

 _"Never made it as a wise man, I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing, tired of living like a blind man-_ " and Edward is completely floored.

"Is this-" He splutters, in pure shock. "Are you trying to fuck me to _Nickleback_?"

Jonathan's eyes are wide, and he glances at the table, and then back at Edward. "This isn't the song I meant to play," he says quickly, quickly fumbling for the bedside table. 

"You listen to  _Nickleback!?_ " Edward can't help it; he starts laughing then - giddy, happy laughing as he covers his mouth with his hand. He's pretty sure there's tears springing to his eyes.

"I meant to play something else," Jonathan says again, but he's not moving fast enough and the chorus plays:

" _And I've wrong, I've been down!"_

"This isn't  _funny_ ," Jonathan mutters back, but Edward can tell he's not actually mad; there's a little bit of humor glinting in his eyes as he looks back at Edward. "It was an accident, I swear."

"This is  _very_ funny," Edward says, laughing even harder. "We were about to have sex to Nickleback."

"I just like some of their songs."

" _Nickleback,_ Jonathan."

"They're not actually that bad."

"You're a mess. I adore you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jon listens to nickleback, its 100% canon.


	6. secret santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ed gets jon as a secret santa

Thankfully, Selina picks up on the second ring.

"I got Crane as my Secret Santa," he says into the phone, voice muffled from where his face is pressed into the palm of his hand. "I got goddamn  _Crane_ , Selina. What the hell do I even get for him? What does he  _like_?"

"Hey to you too, Eddie," Selina retorts dryly; Edward doesn't have the time for pleasantries right now, though, because he's in the middle of a conundrum here.

"Seriously, what do I  _get_ for this man?" Edward presses, leafing through the lists he's already made and promptly scratched out - most of them were half-assed (which, Edward never does  _half-assed_ , thank you very much) or an attempt to be funny, some of them just completely abstract - but he's at a complete loss.

While they're familiar with each other, and Edward can say he at least knows more of Crane now than he did three years ago - it's not saying much. Crane is an anomaly to the fullest extent, and the hardest person to give gifts for in Secret Santa's.

(Last year, Harvey just got him a box of instant coffee.)

"I mean,  _I'm_ a little more easy to shop for," Edward continues on, ignoring Selina's soft sigh of annoyance. "And I usually give great gifts, but this year- this is just going to be a nightmare."

An idea floods into his mind immediately after finishing that sentence; the cogs and gears of his brilliant brain begin to twist and pull and finally,  _finally_ , he realizes how easy it is to find something for someone so aloof and distant.

"Just get him another flannel, I'm sure he'd love another for his collection," Selina remarks, but Edward barely hears her; he taps his finger to his chin and grins.

"I have an idea, Selina; hold please."

"Don't put me on hold, Eddie, I can just-"

Immediately, Edward dials another number, and groans as it goes straight to voicemail. No matter; it won't take long to get the gift once he leaves the message, he figures.

"Hey, Oz," Edward says, leaning back in his chair. "I know the list of favors I owe you grows more and more every passing month, but this time I  _really do_ need your help with something..."

\--

Edward does want to wait until the actual party to give Jonathan his gift - he knows Harley will be mildly annoyed at a break in rules again - but it's not really the kind of gift that can patient sit at his home and just wait around for Christmas Eve; he ends up going to one of Jonathan's messes of a hideout a few days before.

"I  _do_ have a real surprise for you, though," Edward says, tapping his foot against the concrete out of habit.

"Do tell," Crane drawls, hunched over one of his plans - it's usually like this, Edward notes, him talking and moving around the room while Jonathan sits, still as a statue, humming occasionally to let him know he's listening.

(Which, he thinks, it's slightly more of a sweet gesture than just throwing him out.)

The gift - placed on one of the tables near the door - makes a noise, and Edward grumbles as he has to toss out the entire speech he'd already prepared in his mind for this; Crane looks, perplexed.

"Well, he ruined the surprise, but," Edward says, slowly pulling the sheet off of the cage.

Inside is a baby crow; Oswald's had him for about a month, stowed with the rest of his pets, but Edward was able to adopt him quite easily - maybe the concept of being in Jonathan's good graces might have been a winning factor.

"That's a bird," Jonathan murmurs slowly.

"A baby crow," Edward replies, showing off the baby in the cage. "Oswald started hand feeding him, but overall he's still a little feral. I thought you and Nightmare might want company."

On cue, Nightmare lets out a small craw from her perch on one of Jonathan's bookshelves; she cleans one of her wings, and Edward looks back at Jonathan.

"I got you as a Secret Santa, and it wasn't exactly  _easy_ -"

"Thank you," Jonathan says, truly surprising Edward.

"Hm?"

"Thank you," he repeats, taking the cage slowly from Edward's hands. He sets it on his desk, for once ignoring his plans and scribbles, and opens it; the baby crow inside looks at him curiously, but doesn't bite him when a long, thin finger rubs it's beak. Crane blinks slowly, looking back towards Edward. "He's perfect."

Edward has never heard Crane refer to anything - aside from Nightmare - with such a tender and caring voice; it wasn't  _much_ , but it was  _something_ , and Edward finds himself smiling just a little at it despite himself.

"Hm. You're welcome."


	7. confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "give me one little confession?"

"So. Tell me something I really don't know about you."

Jonathan raises a brow, and stares at him. "You know too much about me already."

Edward waves his hand, sighing. "Yes, yes, you have to keep that  _i don't want anyone to know anything intimate about me at all_ thing up, but c'mon - just throw me a bone."

Edward thinks that Jonathan is just going to tell him something mundane -  _i was the one who ate your last zebra cake_ \- just to get it over with, but he's shocked when he sees Jonathan truly considering it for a moment, eyeing his book thoughtfully before opening his mouth and closing it once again.

"What are you thinking?" Edward prods, now much more interested - he wasn't really expecting anything  _serious_ , but now his mind can't help but swim with possibilities.

Jonathan narrows his eyes. "...do not laugh at me."

"I don't even know what it  _is_ yet."

"You were...my first."

Edward assumes he's talking about relationships - it was no secret to anyone that Jonathan had seemingly never been in a relationship before, a fact that Edward's confirmed for himself rather well - but he realizes that that...is not exactly what Jon is talking about.

"Wait, really?"

Jonathan shuts his book. "Forget it."

"No- I mean, I just-" Edward blinks. "I didn't know that you'd never....."

Jonathan looks away.

It made sense, though; how strangely unsure Jonathan seemed during that first time, how awkward and fumbly he'd been and how, well,  _quickly_ he came.

"I never really had...the option before," Jonathan grumbles.

"That's....," Edward says, and smiles. "....really sweet."

Jonathan glares. "Sweet?"

"I'm not one for extreme sentimentality," Edward tells him, propping his chin in his palm. "But that's really sweet. I didn't know I was your first time. I'm sort of your first for a lot of things, aren't I?"

Jonathan rolls his eyes. "Don't let it go to your head."

"It's going to my head. Right to my ego. I'm planning a book as we speak."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of those things thats genuinely going to make some people angry but c'mon. lets not be cowards. jonathan crane DOES NOT fuck. he was a virgin before edward. jonathan crane???? sex machine??? never.


End file.
